| Dear Deanna!
During an appointment I asked a strange lady to hold my newborn baby while I filled out some forms at a counter. The next thing I know, I turned around and this woman, who also had a small baby, was breastfeeding my child. I went crazy and jerked my baby from her and then started hitting the lady. The police came and now I have to go to court. I accept the punishment but was I wrong for hitting the woman?
Anonymous
Brooklyn, NY
Dear Anonymous:
More than half the mothers in America would’ve slapped that woman silly. You had every reason to be upset because you don’t know if that lady’s breast milk had drugs, alcohol, medication, or anything else in it. You have a good case as long as you remain calm, tell the truth, and pray that the correct justice is served. However, in the future, you need to be more responsible and not give your baby to a stranger.
Dear Deanna!
I'm 21 years old and single with a personal problem. I have a foot and toe fetish. When I talk to women and this is revealed, I get pushed away. I can't lie about this because women with pretty feet really turn me on. I would like to pamper a woman by polishing her toe nails and blowing them dry. What should I do about my love life and fetish?
Chris D.
Los Angeles, CA
Dear Chris:
Your fetish is innocent but we live in a society that would judge and cast you as a pervert. The most important thing with your toe fetish is the delivery. Exercise self-control and only reveal your love of toes to a woman you’re in a relationship with. If you can’t stay in control, it’s okay to acknowledge pretty feet, but make it quick and keep it moving. Otherwise, you’ll never get far because you’ll be perceived as sick.
Dear Deanna!
I’m in a committed relationship with no children or financial concerns. However, I do want children. Do you think I should adopt or end the relationship because the lady I’m with doesn’t plan on having kids?
Damien
On-Line Reader
Dear Damien:
Regardless of where they come from, natural birth or adoption, both parties must agree on the children issue. There’s a difference between a woman not wanting to give birth to children versus not wanting any at all. Have a discussion with your mate and see if she’s willing to adopt. If so, you’re fine. If not, decide if you want to be with this woman or find one that will fulfill your dream to hear the pitter patter of little feet.
Dear Deanna!
My best friend has become a rude and arrogant person and I’m being affected. She has a nasty personality and people have stopped being friends with me because they think I’m like her. We have a 15 year friendship and it’s not that easy to end things. I feel torn between two evils and it’s causing me stress. What is the best way to handle this dilemma?
Angel
La Vegas, NV
Dear Angel:
You didn’t wake up one day and see this situation for the first time. With the lengthy friendship you know exactly what you’re dealing with. Obviously, something has happened to make you unhappy and now you’re unsure what side of the fence you want to be on. If you have an issue with your long-term friend, address it. If there are issues with others not wanting your friendship, address that as well and keep it moving.
Dear Deanna!
I’ve messed up my entire first year of college. I haven’t gone to classes and now it’s time to tell my parents. I’m afraid because now I want to do the right thing and not waste their money anymore. I’m embarrassed because I know I’ve let them down. I’m behind in my studies and all the partying wasn’t worth it. Do I need to do this by writing them a letter, a call on the phone, or should I go home and tell them?
Michelle
Atlanta, GA
Dear Michelle:
You need to respect your parents and their efforts and give them the courtesy of a face-to-face discussion. You didn’t act responsibly and failed to appreciate their sacrifice to send you to college. You should be ashamed of yourself. Talk with your parents honestly and share the reasons that caused you to waste their college money. The next step is a sincere apology, a commitment to fulfill your obligations if they finance the rest of your education, and a promise to repay the wasted school term once you graduate.
Dear Deanna!
I’ve been friends with a lady for a long while. Recently she’s been pushing me to take things to a new level and begin dating. I really like her as a friend and would like to keep it that way. What’s the best method to share this without insulting her self-esteem?
Anonymous
St. Louis, MO
Dear Anonymous:
It’s best to be honest with your thoughts and feelings about this matter. However, in this instance, your delivery and tone can be the turning point for this friendship. Place yourself in a neutral environment, have a peaceful attitude, and simply share your reasons for not wanting a relationship. Then you should highlight the positive attributes of your friendship and she should understand and respect you more. | | Dear Deanna!
I’m a young father who has been claiming a son I thought was mine. I’ve recently learned of the possibility someone else may be the father. I feel devastated because I look at this baby as my flesh and blood. Should I do anything to stop the paternity results or should I take the risk and find out? I feel as if I won’t be able to handle it if the test comes out negative.
Anonymous
Pennsylvania, PA
Dear Anonymous:
It’s impressive to see you exhibit passion and love for your namesake. It’s in your best interest financially, spiritually, and emotionally to determine through testing if the child is yours. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst as you pray for this child’s future. God will give you the strength needed regardless of the outcome and remember that through His work, things happen for a reason.
Dear Deanna!
I’ve finally overcome trust issues when it comes to being open for a relationship. I’ve met a man who wants to get married but my mind is playing tricks on me. I keep thinking things are too good to be true. Recently my fiancé and I have had a lot of arguments because he’s accusing me of picking fights and finding imaginary faults with the relationship. Am I messing things up on purpose or am I just paranoid?
Renea
Atlanta, GA
Dear Renea:
You need to calm yourself down and stop sabotaging your relationship. If your instincts are giving you certain feelings and you have measurable things to confirm your doubt, then it’s time for a chat with your fiancé. If there’s no proof, then you have a commitment issue that needs to be addressed before taking the final step. Lay your cards, fears, and doubts on the table, keep it real, and keep it moving.
Dear Deanna!
On the surface my neighbors appear to be nice people with morals and good character. I met another couple who know them and say they aren’t married. We’ve invited them into our couples group, they go to events with us, and we’ve become close friends. Now I feel they’re being deceptive because everyone in our group is married. If they aren’t legitimate we don’t want them in the group but don’t know how to tell them.
Shannon
Portland, OR
Dear Shannon:
You’re not in a playground playing nanny, nanny boo-boo. Unless you communicated to your neighbors that you’re a married couples only group then there’s no problem. You should consider yourself blessed to have nice people next door instead of loud party animals. Get the chip off your nosy shoulder and ask your neighbors if they’re married. Prepare yourself to be insulted if they find you rude, childish, or judgmental and decide to kick you to the curb.
Dear Deanna!
In my marriage I always listened to my husband, let him make decisions, and manage the finances. Recently I was devastated to learn that he has a double life with another wife, children and home. I’m ready to stand up and fight but he’s a bully and scaring me. Is it worth it to get what’s right for me and my children, or should I let him go and let things catch up in the long run?
Anonymous
Dallas, TX
Dear Anonymous:
You can wait for the long run but you’ll find yourself on the curb with your kids looking stupid. You’re entitled to alimony, child support, and everything else as a result of his decision to commit adultery, be a liar and a two timing bigamist. As the first wife, you have the court’s favor as well as the favor of God as you proceed. Your husband didn’t think of you, your kids, or the other woman while doing his dirt so why should you? Call the judge, handle your business, and keep it moving.
Dear Deanna!
I’m struggling as a single parent with no hope in sight. I can’t get a job because all of my money would go towards daycare. I receive child support but it never seems to be enough and I’m barely making it. I want to make a better life for my children but I feel the system is designed to keep me on welfare. Do you have any suggestions to help me pull myself out of this cycle and move up in the world?
Jasmine
Charlotte, NC
Dear Jasmine:
Instead of focusing on one job, why not work two jobs? I’m sure you can partner with a neighbor, family member or friend and trade baby sitting services while you work and get yourself together. Rising above is not easy and you should expect to work long and work hard to make something of yourself. The system will keep you on welfare only if you allow it. Once you get those jobs in order, prepare a budget, plan your goals, and stick to it, and you’ll see results.
Dear Deanna!
I walked away from a relationship because my girlfriend cheated. I felt good because I did the right thing. As time goes on, I feel myself getting weak because I miss her and want her back. I’m a Christian and know I shouldn’t be with her but my desires are so strong. I’m having a hard time fighting the temptations. What do I do in a situation like this?
Greg
Richmond, VA
Dear Greg:
You need to get a grip and stop tripping. As a Christian you know the consequences if you pursue this relationship and fornicate. You’ll end up burned to a crisp because of a cheater. Obviously there’s a reason you haven’t mentioned marriage. I suggest you stay out of the fire since you’re already out. Pray for strength, hold on to your morals and values and stick to the Word which will guide you in the right direction.
Editor’s note: Ask Deanna! is written by Deanna M. Write Ask Deanna! via Email: askdeanna1@yahoo.com or 264 S. LaCienega Blvd. Suite 1283 Beverly Hills, CA 90211. Visit her web site at www.askdeanna.com. |
