Editor’s note: Ask Deanna! Is an advice column known for its fearless approach to reality-based subjects.
Dear Deanna!
My pastor, who happens to be my husband’s best friend, has wrecked our church. He divorced his wife and a year later, married his wife’s first cousin. Half the church doesn’t care and others are trying to fire him. It wouldn’t be so bad but the pastor has children who now have to deal with their aunt becoming their stepmother. I don’t support this, but I’m forced to choose sides because of my husband’s friendship with him. What do I do?
Praying for Peace
Paoli, PA
Dear Praying:
Jesse Jackson went half on a baby, but he claimed to be a preacher-man not a saint. If the pastor was legally divorced, then he’s privy to marry a cousin, a chair or a cardboard box. Yes, it looks strange, and there may be more to the story, such as why he got divorced, and whether the cousin played a part. As a Christian wife, you’re committed to support your husband and avoid getting caught up in drama with the hell-raising members of the church. If your pastor is not fornicating and can still deliver the Word, then get over it and keep it moving.
Dear Deanna!
I’m a confessed womanizer with many dates and don’t plan to change. I feel I should be given a pat on the back for being honest about who I really am. Instead, people call me a dog; they call me a player, and women are upset when things don’t go their way. Why do the honest guys have a hard time when the liars are on easy street?
Dwayne P.
Memphis, TN
Dear Dwayne:
You’re a fool with commitment issues and slim respect for women. Your behavior is not responsible and is nothing to brag about. When it comes to love, life and relationships, there is no honesty among cheaters, no points for players and no high fives for infidelity. Liars are only on easy street until they are revealed, and then all heck breaks loose, and they truly deserve it. Do yourself a favor and get a new game, because this one is weak.
Dear Deanna:
I’m afraid my little sister is going to slip and make a bad decision on graduation night. Our family has done a great job teaching her that true love waits. Her boyfriend has pressured her all year long, and we think she’s getting weak and may give in. What can I do to prevent her from losing her virginity without disrespecting her as an adult?
Big Sister
On-Line Reader
Dear Big Sister:
She’s made it this far without breaking down, and you should trust her to be an adult and hold on to the foundation. You can only share wisdom at this point. Step up the pace and have dialogue with her about the risks as well as the faith-based teachings of sex and marriage. If you want her home and not in a hotel on graduation night, the family should have a special celebration with her friends and loved ones and hope for the best.
Dear Deanna!
My spouse is trying to force me to quit my stable job of 10 years. I’ve never had problems and the benefits are great. The issue is a new department secretary. I have no interest in this woman but my wife only sees her as a young, energetic woman climbing the ladder. I’ve done nothing to make my wife insecure, and she’s going crazy listening to office gossip. I’m not quitting my job and my wife still insists that I should. What do I do?
Paul R.
Jacksonville, FL
Dear Paul:
If you’ve had the same job and same spouse with no issues, then something has been triggered with the arrival of the new employee. If you’ve winked or wagged then you’ve given the office hens something to talk about. Office gossip is 99 percent gossip with a one percent smell of truth. Your wife has an insecurity issue that started before now, and this is simply an excuse. You have a choice to fix your marriage, fix your job or fix yourself.
Dear Deanna!
My son is an active teen and I find myself at my wits end worrying about him fathering children, exposure to sickness and everything else. We argue because I want to know if he’s protecting himself, and he laughs and says it’s not his responsibility. How do I get my son to see that he has to protect himself and not rely on these women he’s being with?
Katie
Indianapolis, IN
Dear Katie:
You’re doing the right thing by teaching your son to not rely on women for his intimate safety and protection. He needs to wake up and get wise before he blinks and has a house of babies and less than a year to love them. You can talk to your son until you’re blue in the face, but if it takes something to jump on him that he can’t shake, then so be it and keep it moving.
Dear Deanna:
I’m a teacher in the school system and I have a parent that threatened me because I gave her child a bag of clothes. It’s obvious the child is being neglected and I didn’t mean any harm. I’m tired of dealing with this parent and want to move the child from my class, but I’m afraid that things will be worse. Am I personally getting too involved with this situation?
Ms. Stiles
Trenton, NJ
Dear Ms. Stiles:
You’re not getting too involved because you’re possibly saving a child’s life. You should continue to do what you feel is right especially if it’s helping this child. However, you need to avoid overstepping your boundaries. Utilize the appropriate authorities in your school network to ensure the child’s safety and continued education, as well as resources and tools to help the mother get her act together. |
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Dear Deanna!
My wife and I have been married for 11 years. She wouldn’t wear lingerie, and the lights had to be off when being intimate. I expressed my concerns on these matters. Later in the marriage, she quit work because I was taking good care of the household. There was still no intimacy, so I had an affair with a female friend. I told my wife about this, but then I saw her car at a man’s house. She denied being there at first, but later she said they only sat and talked on the sofa. Am I a fool or what?
Tyrone
On-Line Reader
Dear Tyrone:
You’re not a fool, but your wife is a trickster. Nine times out of 10, when your woman who claims to love you skips out on her womanly duties, she’s cheating. You’ve been deprived, you’ve been used, and you’ve been lied to. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and you burned each other with the cheating. Make a decision and decide to be together, have an open relationship or call it quits and keep it moving.
Dear Deanna!
I’m 24 years old with a criminal record for forgery, burglary and a few other things. I’ve been trying really hard to get a job. I’ve applied for many minimum wage jobs. I’ve gone through resume and interview classes and still nothing. My family is giving me a hard time and they think I’m not trying hard enough. They don’t understand. I’m on probation, and there’s so much pressure to make illegal money. I need some help or positive advice.
K.L.C.
Los Angeles, CA
Dear K.L.C:
With the chips falling around you, now is the time to become an honest entrepreneur. When all else fails, find jobs such as cutting grass, washing cars or towing away junk.You would be surprised that with a little word-of-mouth advertising and family and friends, you can make money and start a business doing odd jobs. But be prepared to work hard and deal with a few disappointments, but if you stick with it, you’ll be successful.
Dear Deanna:
I would like your opinion on a marriage where one spouse constantly degrades another spouse verbally while not doing what the Word says they should do as head of the household. Shouldn't they both be accountable to God's Word at all times and not just when they claim to be a Christian? If the unhappy one has suggested and tried prayer or counseling, is it their fault if they divorce to pursue growth?
Anonymous
On-Line Reader
Dear Anonymous:
Both of you need to stop playing around and juggling the Word to make it suit your interpretation. Lock it down with some hardcore biblical facts. The only reason for divorce given by the Lord is fornication and any other cause is without biblical authority. Talk to your spouse and get to the root of the problem and fix things together. God put you together as one and also provides you with the wisdom and tools to work, resolve and fix the issues.
Dear Deanna!
I become so annoyed at people that come to church late. Our worship service has been the same for years; the doors open at the same time but people come in late. I think it’s rude to come in while other people are rejoicing, enjoying the service and singing. My faithful celebration is knocked off balance when a door opens, or a mother drags her kids into a seat. How can I address this issue without insulting anyone at my church?
Peaceful Worship
Greensboro, NC
Dear Peaceful:
You should be happy that people come late, come as they are and come at all. If your church is full of people like you, then I’m surprised you have more than 10 people each week. Church is not about you. It’s about the congregation worshiping together. It’s rude that people come late, but they still come, and you should pray they come often and on time. Stop complaining and see your church officers to address the issue and keep it moving.
Dear Deanna!
My wife makes more money than I do, but she’s not a wise spender. Our household is struggling, the bills are being paid late, and our savings is very small. I try to talk to her about this, but she starts an argument and reminds me of how much money she makes. It doesn’t matter who makes what money, because my main concern is running the household. Although I make less, my money covers everything, and I’m always broke. What do I do?
James
Baltimore, MD
Dear James:
Your wife is on a power trip and she’s using her financial status to disrespect you. She’s trying to have control, but obviously she’s making a mess that can and will send you to the poor house. You need to immediately assemble a budget that includes savings, divide the bills, and each of you becomes responsible for your share. You may still be broke, but the bills will be paid with a little money in the bank that you may need for a rainy day.
Dear Deanna:
What do you do when a teen is always disrespectful? I have a lot of patience but not with a child that has a smart mouth. My niece is rude. She always interrupts others and tells her mother what to do. I can’t complain because her mother is my sister. I’m so close to slapping her in the mouth. When we’re out in public or have company, you can see the embarrassment from the adults because they can’t believe it. Any suggestions?
Anonymous
Denver, CO
Dear Anonymous:
You need to put her in a child’s place and stop her with some non-physical embarrassment. The next time she’s rude in front of an audience, remind her of her age, demand an apology and then send her out of the room. If she challenges you with insults and more mouth, laugh and remind her that’s she’s a child and not on your level. As her face turns red, she’ll be reminded it’s best to stick with her peers, because adults can shut her down.
Editor’s note: Ask Deanna is written by Deanna M. Write Ask Deanna! via Email: askdeanna1@yahoo.com or 264 S. LaCienega Blvd. Suite 1283 Beverly Hills, CA 90211 or visit
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