Editor’s note: Ask Deanna! is an advice column known for its fearless approach to reality-based subjects. Ask Deanna! can be heard every Sunday on KTYM AM 1460 at 3 p.m. in Los Angeles.

Dear Deanna!
I’ve been in a distance relationship with my girlfriend I met through a friend.  We haven’t met but we’ve dated across two states for five months. I was thinking about marrying her although she’s diabetic. We’ve discussed marriage plans and now that her diabetes is making her sick, my outlook and plans have changed. She thinks I don’t love her anymore, but I don’t want to go into a marriage being a caretaker. How should I properly view this situation?
Anonymous
Online Reader

Dear Anonymous:
Your first mistake is thinking you can fall in love and have a home with a picket fence with a woman from the cyberspace world. You’re not dating and you’re not in love because you haven’t properly bonded, haven’t looked into her eyes nor have you been around the block. If you were truly in love, diabetes, one leg or blindness wouldn’t stop you. You’re still a little selfish and need to be honest with your feelings, acknowledge your hesitation and transition to a friendship of support, conversation and e-mail and nothing more, nothing less.

Dear Deanna!
I live with my mother and sister. I do everything for them such as laundry, cleaning and cooking. I make sacrifices and they don’t appreciate what I do for them. My sister neglects her kids, puts her boyfriend first and embarrasses me. My mom has a new boyfriend and she does more at his house than ours. My younger sister disrespects me and my mother and I still get treated badly. How do I get some respect?
Sister in Pain
Online Reader

Dear Sister:
You’re living in an abusive situation in the middle of women with low self-esteem, low morals and insecurity. You need to stand up for yourself, stop being a slave and focus on the immediate situation. Take the time out and tell your mother how you feel and ask her to have a meeting so you can all talk, put together a plan and start working as a team to make things better. If this doesn’t work, count the days until you can move out and keep it moving.

Dear Deanna!
I’ve been having an affair with a married man for six years. He verbally abuses me and accuses me of being with other men. I’ve told him that he only does this to cover his guilty conscience. Last year, I took out a restraining order and now I want to be with him again. He threatened to kill me if I told his wife and now I’ve discovered I have an STD and he’s with a young girl. I’ve been in counseling and now need to know what to do about this situation.
Torn and Confused  
Online Reader

Dear Torn:
You need to seek a refund and get your money back from the counselor you paid to help you. You should know from the onset that it’s wrong to be with a married man. Then when he starts acting crazy and you choose to stay, you have two fools together. If you have a restraining order, an STD and a death threat, you need to move to another community immediately. While you’re moving, seek a new counselor, renew your prayer life and focus on rebuilding your life.

Dear Deanna!
I worked hard all year on losing weight, improving my thinking and saving money. This is the first time I’ve ever been this organized with a positive outlook. I thought that after all of my hard work and efforts, I would be happy. I now feel lonely, depressed and miserable. I was so focused on myself that I isolated my friends and family.  It seems things are worse and I don’t know what to do with my new life. How can I adjust and become happy again?
Gabrielle
Online Reader

Dear Gabrielle:
You can easily reverse your situation by again becoming fat, happy and broke. However, your program won’t be complete until you toss in a few pounds of self pity. Or you can look at your current situation as a second chance at life and take advantage of all the benefits. You’re entitled to put yourself first and if you find yourself alone, then make new friends, renew relationships and find some hobbies. 

Dear Deanna!
I initiated a separation from my wife because she was having an affair. We’ve been living apart waiting for the time to pass so we can legally file for a divorce. I saw her a few weeks ago and I’ve fallen in love with her again and want to give the marriage another try. I am scared because I have trust issues and a lot of our arguments were caused by my insecurities. How can I work on myself so I can be more of an asset and save my marriage?
Marcus
Houston, TX

Dear Marcus:
If you go into this with a one-sided fantasy, you’re going to be crushed. You must find the void in the relationship that caused your wife to cheat. Once this has been done, you have to confirm that your wife is interested in being with you and also saving your marriage. If you’re able to get on the same page you need to participate in joint as well as personal counseling. Anything less than this plan will leave you with pain, dashed hopes and an empty heart.

Dear Deanna!
My family has given me a lot of grief because I didn’t celebrate the holidays and I didn’t buy anything for my children. We decided as a family to go shopping after the holidays and enjoy the savings and spend less money. My children didn’t give this a second thought until my mother and sister started bad mouthing me and making them feel sad.  Now my kids are mad at me and acting like they’re hurt. How can I make them understand my decision?
Conservative Mom
Charleston, SC

Dear Conservative Mom:
You’re entitled to run your household as you please unless your mother and sister are helping pay your bills.  You know what’s in your wallet as well as the bills that lay ahead.  If you made a plan and everyone was okay with it, then that’s the plan.  Load up your car, head to the stores and shop till you drop and laugh all the way to the bank.  As soon as the plan kicks in, the kids will see what you’re talking about and they’ll get over the drama and keep it moving.

Editor’s note: Ask Deanna! is written by Deanna M. Write Ask Deanna! at askdeanna1@yahoo.com or at 264 S. La Cienega, Suite 1283, Beverly Hills, CA 90211. Visit her Web site at www.askdeanna.com.

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