Ask Deanna!

Real People, Real Advice

Editor’s note: Ask Deanna! Is an advice column known for its fearless approach to reality-based subjects.

Dear Deanna!
I feel as if I’m always treated like dirt. I play by the rules, respect people, and stay out of trouble. Every time I turn around, a girlfriend is stabbing me in the back and men always play me or think I’m stupid. What am I doing wrong to continue attracting people that hurt me like this? Am I a bad judge of character?
Anonymous
Dallas, TX

Dear Anonymous:
Yes, you’re a bad judge of character because you’ve placed your need for acceptance higher than your personal self-respect. People treat you the way you allow them. You need to look in the mirror and seek happiness in yourself rather than people. At the end of the day, don’t lose any sleep, hold your head high, and realize you deserve better.

Dear Deanna!
I’m losing my husband to a co-worker. I understand that men and women work together but I think something else is going on. He spends too much time with this woman, gives gifts to her children, and constantly brags about her accomplishments. When I talk to him about this, it causes an argument and he accuses me of being insecure. How do I deal with this situation because I can’t take it anymore?
Sad Wife
Detroit, MI

Dear Sad Wife:
If your husband is providing and you don’t have any evidence then you need to get a grip. Obviously you’re not content with your placement in life and the other woman is making you get your A-game in order. However, if he’s taking money out of the household and getting defensive when you address it, then yes, something is going on. Put your foot down, give him an ultimatum about his behavior and keep it moving.

Dear Deanna!
My ex-wife has remarried and I don’t like anything about her new husband. What goes on in their household is none of my business but we have children and I’m concerned. The children don’t like him either and they tell me that he mistreats them by yelling and making physical threats. Their mother is so in love that she looks past this and chooses the man over the kids. What options do I have before I talk to this man?
Paul
Jacksonville, FL

Dear Paul:
High emotions, jealousy, distrust, and unhappiness occurs when families split and start new ones. You need to have a meeting with your ex-wife and her husband immediately. Let them know your concerns and present the children’s information and make sure the children aren’t playing games. Avoid jail and embarrassment by handling this like a mature adult or you’ll make matters worse and it simply isn’t worth it.

Dear Deanna!
I have a crush on a lady that I’ve admired for a few years. I’ve watched her relationships and get the feeling she’s a bad judge of character and dates certain men just to have someone. I’ve compared myself to all these men and know that I would be good for her. I’m not her typical bad boy type and I’m scared she’ll reject me. Should I be myself and approach her or should I be prepared to be what she wants? What do I do?
Afraid and In Love
Washington, DC

Dear Afraid:
You need to stop being a stalker and get yourself together. You have too much time on your hands if you’ve been minding someone else’s business. Until you talk to the lady, you have no idea what she’s looking for or why she selects her dates. If you want to date her, be yourself and approach her with respect. Trying to be something you’re not will be exposed and you’ll look foolish. Take a chance, be a real man and accept the outcome.

Dear Deanna!
My wife denies me in every area of our relationship. We don’t share, go out together, or anything else. The way we live reminds me of college when I had a roommate. When we were dating, things were great. She changed immediately after marriage. The only interaction we have is when she needs money or I need to pay bills. I think she’s seeing someone from her past and using me for security. How do I handle this?
Tyrone
Omaha, NE

Dear Tyrone:
Your wife wants “old time” treatment with Y2K benefits and you’re the ATM. While dating she looked at you with loving dollar signs in her eyes and knew she would be taken care of after marriage. You have the right to know what’s going on and you have the power to address the issue. Stop her in her tracks and seek answers. If she doesn’t cooperate, suggest joint counseling to fix the problem or the bank is closed.

Dear Deanna!
I had a fight with one of my best friends because she touched my husband in a way I felt was disrespectful. I immediately told her not to touch my husband that way. She laughed in my face and told me that I was too serious and needed to loosen up. She then touched him again and I slapped her and the fight started. My husband didn’t say a word about the touch but told me I was stupid for fighting. Should I be mad at him?
Elise
Birmingham, AL

Dear Elise:
Your husband didn’t say anything because he liked being touched but was probably too stunned to say anything. Your girlfriend was wrong and will go further if allowed because she obviously has an agenda. You did the right thing because if a man touched you, your husband would’ve done the same thing. There’s no need to be mad because you handled your business and need to watch your friends and keep it moving.

Dear Deanna!
I’ve been in a relationship for over 10 years. During this time, my boyfriend and I have had medical emergencies, financial problems, and everything else. If we were married, we could’ve avoided a lot of our hardships because of weak medical benefits. I’m not willing to go into another year like this. We’ve been together for so long but now, we need benefits. He feels marriage won’t make a difference but I disagree. Am I right? 
Celeste
Cleveland, OH

Dear Celeste:
You both are wrong. You’re wrong for shacking and choosing to settle for less and he’s wrong for not being a real man by doing the right thing. Marriage makes a difference now for your earthly existence and certainly matters in the eyes of God when you’re six feet under. You have a common-law marriage but need to seek counseling immediately so that both interests are protected, your conscience is clear, and you can sleep at night.

Dear Deanna!
My teen sons are causing a divide in my family. They have both become active on an intimate level and feel they can conduct their business in my home. I refuse to have this going on under my roof but my sons and family think they should keep their dirt at home. I’m not going for it as long as I pay the bills. If they are in my house they have to go by my rules.
Francine
Charleston, SC

More