Real People,
Real Advice
 
Editor’s note: Ask Deanna! Is an advice column known for its fearless approach to reality-based subjects.
 
Dear Deanna!
I lost weight and now I have a new attitude, a new hairstyle and new outlook on life. All of my friends who should be happy for me are jealous, treating me badly and talking about me behind my back. I noticed they never had a problem when I was the fat chick in the group, but now that I’m smaller than they are, it’s a problem. I didn’t have a boyfriend, never smiled or was happy, but now I feel good and want my friends to be the same.
New Skinny Girl
Las Vegas, NV
 
Dear Skinny:
Plain and simple, your friends are jealous because you’re getting the attention. Your weight loss has revealed them as the insecure skinny biddies they’ve always been. You never saw this side of them because they were comfortable with you as the fatty, so you were not any competition to them. Enjoy your new life, and if your friends can’t see that you’re the same person, then it’s their loss, and you need to keep smiling, and keep it moving.
 
Dear Deanna!
I’m complaining about my brother I’ve lost due to a relationship. He’s been dating this girl for a few months, and she pulls him by the nose. He does everything she says, ignores the family, and tries to be something he’s not in order to please her. It’s annoying because if I want him to hang out, he says it causes arguments with his girlfriend. How do I let my brother know that  blood is thicker than water and he needs to loosen up on his relationship?
Michael
Denver, CO
 
Dear Michael:
Yes blood is thicker than water, but bliss sometimes is better than brotherhood. Let your brother sow his wild oats in peace. If you were the one in a relationship, you would understand the happiness during the honeymoon phase of dating. Support your brother and get to know his girlfriend, because if their love grows, she’ll be your new sister-in-law and you’ll never win this battle or any others. In other words, if he’s not being mistreated, mind your business.
 
Dear Deanna:
I want to respond to the advice you gave Anonymous in Seattle whose sister lets her children listen to rap music. I think it was wrong for you to call her ignorant. That was very rude and insensitive. Rap music is fine for all ages and children should be able to listen to it as long as the curse words are edited. I let my children listen to all kinds of music including hardcore rap
and we haven’t had any problems.
Althea
Columbia, SC
 
Dear Althea:
You fell and bumped your head, and I hope you had a nice trip. Of course hardcore rap music is okay if you want your children to grow up impressed by women dropping it like it’s hot or guys being gang bangers. Your children apparently are still young and haven’t had the opportunity to become destructive but if they ever do, they’ll have good old mom to thank as you cry your eyes out and pull your hair from the roots.
 
Dear Deanna!
I was with my ex-boyfriend for over a year until we broke up last spring over a trust issue.  We still messed around over the summer, although he had a girlfriend. We got back together, but it only lasted a month, because he said he was too busy for a girlfriend. I was heartbroken. I’ve tried to move on, but I always find myself comparing the other guys to him. I'm still in love with him. Should I try to get back with him or move on with my life?
Confused
On-Line Reader
 
Dear Confused:
There’s nothing more painful than wanting a man that doesn’t want you. He’s given you clues on a silver platter and you need to take notes. He cheated on his girlfriend with you and told you he was too busy for you. This is not the man for you. Place this in your mind and accept the reality so you can get over him. Each time you think you want him, remember your broken heart, and think of how you’re too good for drama, and keep it moving.
 
Dear Deanna!
I’m a 47-year-old mother of two children with three grandchildren. I’m in a relationship with a recovering addict. I watched him destroy himself and attempt suicide when he was using narcotics. In spite of that and going to and from drug rehab and having nothing, I still gave much love to him. I'm the woman who has seen the tremendous change in this man. He’s now back on top with vehicles, money, attention from women and an ego. I’m fed up because he treats me like nothing and he disrespects me. Am I right for moving out of his house?
Miss N.
Buffalo, NY
 
Dear Miss N.
Money, women and toys can’t replace drug addiction. Your man is being setup by the Devil for a hard crash and burn that’s going to rock his world. It’s best you remove yourself, because when his chips fall again, and they will, it’s going to be ugly. Successful drug recovery is coupled with faith and family and there’s nothing but evil in this picture. Leave now, and focus on quality time with your family, so you can flourish in a new direction.

Dear Deanna:
I'm 15 years old and I saw my dad for the first time in five years. My dad has a child by my aunt and another one by my mom. Years ago he had me taken from by mom by authorities over a lie.  My mom really didn’t have parents or support and she is still suffering. Our family is distant because relatives blame her for everything. I love her and hate to see the trouble this has caused us. I was told by her to forgive them and don’t know if I should.
Fatherless 15-Year-Old
On-Line Reader
 
Dear Fatherless:
You’re a very strong girl and it’s going to be up to you to bring the family back together. There is a lot of adult dirty laundry going on that your young mind wouldn’t understand but you’ll see things differently when you get older. Continue to love and support your mother and follow her guidance of forgiveness and prayer for your family and your father. 

Dear Deanna!
Ever since childhood, my best friend has played games and told lies to blackmail people or get money. Now she’s married and still doing the same thing. Her husband doesn’t want children and she knows it. Her latest stunt is too much for me to handle. She told her husband that she’s pregnant, and she plans to go shopping with the money she’s supposed to use for pregnancy termination. I feel this is too much and should tell her husband.
No More Lies
Dallas, TX

Dear No More Lies:
At what point did you decide to stop benefiting from your friends financial gain? If you’ve been a part of her scams for so long, I’m sure she gave you a cut of her shady earnings. You’ve co-signed with her for so long it’s obvious she doesn’t listen to you. Your best advice is to pull away and stop being a witness to her dishonesty. You’ll cause too much drama if you stick your nose in the hornets nest now. In other words, mind your business.

Dear Deanna!
I’m the only 18-year-old girl in my group that doesn’t have a baby. My friends are treating me differently now that they all have children and try to make me feel abnormal. I’m not interested in a baby, but I still want to be friends with them. They treat me as if I’m not good enough to be around them and they act as if they’re so mature and I’m young and dumb. How do I handle this?
Shawna
Oklahoma City, OK

Dear Shawna:
You need to find your favorite song on the radio, drink lemonade and enjoy your life until you meet a husband. There’s nothing cute about girls fresh out of high school two steps from a welfare office and dirty diapers. You’re the winner in this bunch and you should be on your way to college and a blessed life. Go for the gold, shake it off and encourage your friends to achieve as you avoid the baby daddy blues.

Dear Deanna!
I spend a lot of time being friends with women, listening to their problems and just being a great guy. I’m in a situation with a friend that I now want a relationship with, but she isn’t interested. Once I made my feelings known she has basically kicked me to the curb. I can’t understand why she took my money, used my car and came to me with all of her problems but won’t date me. What did I do wrong?
A.J.
San Diego, CA

Dear A.J.
You got pimped, which is what insecure women, a few wives and silly girls do to the good men out there. You fell victim to a woman that wanted a guidance counselor and financial provider without any loving. These women are fine as long as they get what they want without giving up anything. Consider yourself blessed to be out before your credit was ruined and you were left looking foolish with a broken heart.

Dear Deanna!
My friend and I traveled on vacation together. When we got to our destination, she claimed she lost her wallet and didn’t have any money. I didn’t mind financially supporting her on the trip. When the trip was over and we were back home, she bought a new car. I asked for some of the money back and she refused. Her contact numbers have been changed, and she’s ignoring me.  What should I do about this?
Sharisse
Toledo, OH
 
Dear Sharisse:
Your friend used you like toilet paper and kicked you to the curb. The moment you realized her funds were low, you should’ve put her on a bus and sent her packing. Some of the blame for this is on you, because if this was your friend, you knew in advance of her capabilities. You’ve lost your money, but hopefully you’ll gain some wisdom. In the future, mind your dollars and sense, and don’t fall prisoner to someone else’s debt.
 
Dear Deanna!
I had an office relationship with my supervisor. After being together for almost eight months, I later learned that he was engaged to be married. I’m very hurt and upset and find myself trying to get even with him for deceiving me. I confronted him with the information, and he laughed in my face and acted as if this was no big deal. I feel humiliated and want to know if it’s wrong to let his fiancée know her future husband is a cheater?
Hurt on the Job
Glen Burney, MD
 
Dear Hurt:
You shouldn’t poop in the place that feeds you. The office isn’t a playground for lovers and you should be focused on work instead of getting your groove on. You and the supervisor are equally wrong. Decide if you value your job or your pride more. If you can put this in the past, learn from the mistake and continue to excel in your duties. If you’re immature, then leave before causing problems for yourself and others by trying to get even.
 
Dear Deanna!
I’ve been engaged for almost three years and I’m ready to get married or call it quits. My fiancée keeps using his job as an excuse, or he says he wants to save money for the wedding. We don’t have any kids and our finances are stable. I’m beginning to feel as if he doesn’t want to get married. He denies this each time I bring it up in conversation. Is there anything I can do to force him to make a decision on this?
Patricia
Bossier City, LA
 
Dear Patricia:
You’re wasting time because three years is too long for an engagement. This man has no plans to marry you, especially if you consider his stall tactics as excuses. A relationship is like a new job. It takes six months to learn the job and another six months to decide if you will do the job and stay. Ask him one more time to set a date. If he doesn’t, you need to kiss the wedding bells good-bye, give the ring back and keep it moving.