Editor’s note: Ask Deanna! is an advice column known for its fearless approach to reality-based subjects. Ask Deanna! can be heard every Sunday on KTYM AM 1460 at 3 p.m. in Los Angeles.

Dear Deanna!
I got into an argument with my boyfriend’s mother and she called me out of my name and I did it back to her. Next thing I know, my boyfriend beat me up. To make a long story short, I pressed charges against him and now his mother is begging me to drop the charges. He is on parole and this will cause him to go to jail. Everybody is mad at me but nobody cares that he beat me up and his mother started it all. What should I do?
Sheron           
Online Reader
Dear Sheron:
It’s not your fault t his mother didn’t teach him not to hit women. But you should’ve respected her more and held your tongue instead of running your mouth. Regardless, his mother isn’t going to roll out the red carpet for you and you’re going to always have problems because this situation won’t be easily forgotten. This is not your husband and if it was any other man, you would let the charges remain. On that note, get ready for court, stay your distance from the entire family and try to get your life started on a better note.

Dear Deanna!
I let my friend use my credit card number for an online purchase. She was only supposed to purchase a few things from E-bay and then return the card. When I got my bill there were a lot of strange purchases, fees from online music downloads and restaurant delivery orders. I confronted her and she denied it. My credit card is maxed out beyond my budget and I can’t pay the bill. I don’t know what to do because my credit rating and my friendship is at risk.
Anonymous
Las Vegas, NV
Dear Anonymous:
You should take a closer look at your friend because if she needed to use your credit card she just might be broke. If you really wanted to help her, you should’ve made the purchases for her and kept your information to yourself. There’s not much you can do but pay the bill because you willingly gave her your credit card. In the future, just say no, learn who your friends are and make better decisions with your finances.

Dear Deanna!
I got pregnant by my boyfriend and married him under pressure. I didn’t have a problem living with him but everybody else’s opinions got to me so I married him. I feel I made a mistake because he’s a rude male chauvinist, very disrespectful and leaves junk all over the place. He wasn’t like this before. Now that we’re married, I don’t like him, I don’t love him and I don’t know him. How do I get out of this situation?
Mistaken Wife
Oklahoma City, OK
Dear Mistaken Wife:
Things were fine when you were playing house with no commitment. You made a big mistake that became worse when you married him under the false pretense of love. If the situation is this bad now, a crying baby is not going to help. You need to try some counseling immediately. If that doesn’t work, be completely honest with him about your feelings and make plans to end the relationship and plan how you both will raise the baby and keep it moving.

Dear Deanna!
I have to choose who I want to marry. I have a childhood friend that would love to be with me but I don’t feel any fireworks for him. I really want to marry my ex-boyfriend but I know he would only marry me for stability since he has a history of unemployment. I am so anxious to become a married woman but I’m having a tough time with this decision. Neither man has expressed this interest so I will be the one proposing. Who do I choose?
Marriage Confusion
Online Reader
Dear Confusion:
You are missing the major dynamics of marriage such as a mutual agreement and of course, a loving committed relationship.  This is a union from God and not to be taken lightly or as a game.  Your childhood friend doesn’t deserve heartbreak and your ex-boyfriend would use you.  You deserve better and should invest time in building a loving relationship with someone that has love, trust, respect and a joint decision for commitment and matrimony.

Dear Deanna!
My boyfriend will not tell me that he loves me. I have been with him for three years and he always tells me that his presence should answer the question. He has verbally said he loves me about five times. We’ve had our problems with cheating and break-ups but we’re still together. I want to head in the direction of commitment but I need to address his feelings first. How do I find out his true feelings for me?
Adrienne
Columbia, SC
Dear Adrienne:
The things your boyfriend isn’t saying speak the loudest. You’ve allowed this behavior in the relationship and at this point, there’s a small chance he’ll change. You have rights in this relationship and deserve to know his feelings and intentions. You need to be direct and tell him how you feel, what you want and your expectations on love and marriage. Be prepared if you don’t get the answers you seek and you have to decide to stay or keep it moving.

Dear Deanna!
I’m in a situation where my boyfriend thinks I’m stupid. He has started spending a lot of time with one of his ex-girlfriends.  He claims they were best friends before and after they began their relationship. I can go along with that but he always goes to her house alone. I feel if everything was as innocent as he claims, then I should be invited to a few dinner dates, movies and overnight DVD and popcorn sessions. Am I paranoid or should I be more trusting?
Tanya
Charlotte, NC
Dear Tanya:
It’s true that men can have females as best friends but the dynamic changes when sex enters the picture.  Your boyfriend is disrespecting you if he’s going on dates with her, too.  There is something going on if he’s at her house overnight.  This isn’t normal for a man with a woman at home.  He’s seeing his girlfriend directly in your face.  You need to address this and seek a solution so that your relationship is the priority and the friendship gets put in its place.

Dear Deanna!
My niece is involved with a man old enough to be her father and I feel he’s taking advantage of her. My sister, who is her mother, is willing to go along with this if it makes her daughter happy.  I think its statutory rape and is sickening because my niece is young and inexperienced. I’m at the point where I may call and report this to the authorities because it’s not right. Is it worth the risk of losing my sister and my niece or should I leave it alone?
Worried Aunt
Long Island City, NY
Dear Aunt:
It takes a village to raise a child and if your niece is underage then you should report it to the authorities. However, you should respect your sister and talk with her before making your move.  Also, many people are going to be hurt by your decision and you must also ensure you have all the facts about the interaction between your niece and this man. If your research indicates you niece is truly being taken advantage of, the authorities need to put him under the jail.

Dear Deanna!
I can’t tell you how tired I am of watching my sister go out with bad guys. She seems to have a magnet on her head that attracts unemployed men, drug dealers and guys that look shady. She has access to decent men in her circle.  I don’t understand it. My sister has a college education, a good job and nice friends. You would think that after a while, she would be tired of financing men, getting abused and dealing with drama. How do I get through to her?
Carl
Portland, OR
Dear Carl:
Some women will overlook good guys because they seek excitement, good sex and thrills.  These relationships often crash and burn after a financial wipeout, unplanned pregnancy or a few fights with other women. You can help by introducing her to quality men, exposing her to positive relationships and social networking opportunities. The choice is up to her and if she continues the “choke me, pull my hair” lifestyle, then support her and be there when she falls.

Dear Deanna!
How do I apologize for interfering in my best friend’s marriage? I want to apologize to her but I don’t know what to say to her without any physical confrontation. There were some things that I did and said that caused problems in her relationship. I just want to apologize and let her know that I didn’t mean to come between her and her husband. How do I apologize?
Hurting
Oklahoma City, OK
Dear Hurting:
You owe an apology to her husband as well because your actions affected him too. You’re an adult and know you shouldn’t do anything to jeopardize another person’s relationship. If you did something so bad that it would get physical, you should communicate with a card or a phone call. Then again, if this is your friend and you truly have her best interests at heart, you should be able to respectfully apologize face-to-face without drama and keep it moving.

Editor’s note: Ask Deanna! is written by Deanna M. Write Ask Deanna! at askdeanna1@yahoo.com or at 264 S. La Cienega, Suite 1283, Beverly Hills, CA 90211. Visit her Web site at www.askdeanna.com.

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