Editor’s note: Ask Deanna! is an advice column known for its fearless approach to reality-based subjects. Ask Deanna! can be heard every Sunday on KTYM AM 1460 at 3 p.m. in Los Angeles.

Dear Deanna!
I was in a marriage for 3 years that didn’t last. I am now legally divorced with no strings attached and I want to live my life. I’m very responsible but my family accuses me of being an unfit parent. My children are old enough to be left home alone and I don’t bring my relationships in front of them. I don’t want to enter another serious relationship and wish everyone would leave me alone. Does it matter what I do as long as my family is taken care of?
Marissa
Omaha, NE

Dear Marissa:
As a parent, you have moral obligations you must adhere to whether you want to or not. There’s nothing wrong with having fun, recreational dating and enjoying the rush of single life. Double check your actions in regards to your parenting skills and the care arrangements for your children while you’re out and about. You may not want a relationship, but you want to be careful and not fall into the category of a garden tool.

Dear Deanna!
I’m a Christian and there are things that I do that people don’t agree with. I feel as if I can drink wine, enjoy music and wear what I want to wear. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Lord and do what I’m supposed to do. My life is fine but other people don’t think so. I don’t like being judged when other people at church do the same thing but pretend to be super holy. Do I need to go ahead and change churches because these people aren’t going to change?
Honest Christian
Charleston, SC

Dear Honest:
If you were as rooted and tooted in your faith as you pretend to be, you wouldn’t worry about what other people think. You need to put your stones away and come out of the same glass house that everyone else is in. You’re just as guilty because you just so happen to know their business the way they know yours. Do yourself a favor and mind your business, live according to God’s word and seek to receive growth and understanding in your worship instead of human acceptance.

Dear Deanna!
My wife and I are having financial troubles because she won’t stop spending money. We live on a budget but she keeps breaking the rules. It’s at the point where our bills are late, my credit rating has become poor and we don’t have money to do simple things. I don’t mind her spending here and there, but she makes major purchases without my consent, goes on trips and gives money to her family. How do I let her know this is killing our marriage?
Dan
Long Island City, NY

Dear Dan:
You should bear the responsibility of eliminating her access to cash, bank accounts and credit cards and pay all the bills yourself. Your immediate goal is to stabilize the finances and your credit rating. The next step is to physically give her a budget and if she messes up, leave her to fend for herself. Once this is done, encourage your wife to get some counseling and stick to the budget you give her or you’ll both be looking at each other in the poor house.

Dear Deanna!
I found out that my husband was having an affair but I didn’t say anything. However, his mistress isn’t too bright. She approached me at the grocery store and thought she was doing me a favor by telling me all about it. I was fine and laughing at her until she called me stupid. I took it upon myself at that point to slap her a few times and she pressed charges. My husband will be with me in court but I’m not sure what to do with him after the legal battle.
Strong Wife
St. Louis, MO

Dear Strong Wife:
After slapping the mistress, your next step should be your husband. Yes, he was wrong for his actions and even more so for selecting someone ignorant to have an affair with. After the legal battle you need to do an assessment of your marriage, find out why your husband had an affair and determine together what you’ll do next. However, make it known you will not tolerate cheating and divorce is an option if he decides to do something this dumb again.

Dear Deanna!
My girlfriend is getting on my nerves because I feel she has mistaken strength for rudeness. She talks down to me and embarrasses me in front of my friends. She is trying to prove to her friends that she’s in control of this relationship. I let her get away with a few things because no harm has been done. I need to put a stop to this because she’s begun to publicly attack my sexual performance. How do I address this without ruining the relationship?
Anonymous
On-Line Reader

Dear Anonymous:
You need a loud-mouth woman like you need a hole in the head. Your girlfriend is being disrespectful to you and the relationship. You should be direct and tell her to keep her mouth shut and stop putting you on blast in front of people. If she feels the need to control something, buy her a dog and she can pull its leash and make it jump at her command. If the verbal rudeness continues, give her a warning with the understanding that the next time, you’ll be gone.

Dear Deanna!
I’m in college and me and my peers have the same issues. We’re short on money, have to do odd jobs to buy gas and we pool our money to buy food. Things are working out with the exception of one friend that isn’t pulling her load. She rides in the car with us and eats the food but we noticed that she isn’t contributing to the fund. We all have seen her with new clothes and manicures. How do we tell her that she needs to pay her money or she’s out of the group?
Carla
Pensacola, FL

Dear Carla:
You guys are on the right track as you’ve realized early on that there is strength in numbers. You need to carefully document all the agreed-upon activity within the group and demonstrate her lack of participation. Have a face-to-face discussion once you’ve verified a few things and can determine if her shortcomings are legit or bogus. If she’s been getting over, then your friend is a freeloader. Let her know that she needs to pay her way or get out of the group.

Dear Deanna!
I went on a beach trip with my closest friends. As married women we agreed that whatever happened while traveling would stay in its place. This agreement went well for two years. One of the ladies in the group went through a divorce and she told our husbands about our sexual affairs and has caused so much drama. I’m concerned about them but my husband is taking things pretty hard and feels he’ll never trust me again. How do I repair this damage?
Embarrassed Katie
Wichita Falls, TX

Dear Katie:
You should’ve honored your vows instead of running behind your husband’s back with your girlfriends. The first thing is to forgive yourself and seek forgiveness from God. From that point, confess to your husband, and ask him to forgive you and to work with you to fix the marriage. You have violated your husbands honor and his heart. You both should be open minded to professional counseling. In the future, if you do dirty things, do them alone so that your secrets won’t be released.

Dear Deanna!
My boyfriend has been promoted to a great management position on his job. However, with his promotion he is becoming arrogant and rude. I never thought of calling him a snob but that is the direction my thoughts are heading. He has become rude, condescending and looks down on people. He hasn’t changed towards me but I don’t like this new side of him. As he acquires more money, a new car and possessions he gets worse. How do I address this issue?
Tina
Chicago, IL

Dear Tina:
Your boyfriend has never had anything of great value and now that he’s getting a few things he’s losing his mind. This man has always been this way but you never noticed because you’re intimate with him. Money is giving him a false sense of security, and he feels he can do anything. You need to bring his actions to his attention and how he is making people feel. You need to do this soon, because you’ll be his next target and like his car, you will be traded.

Dear Deanna!
I’m a recently divorced grandmother enjoying the single life. My husband of 30 years left me for a younger woman. I don’t regret the situation and knew that he cheated during most of our marriage. I’m dating and things are great. My adult sons don’t mind my new lifestyle, but my daughters are giving me problems. They want me to live as an old grandmother. I look good for my age, and I want to know how to convince my daughters to let me live my life.
Sexy Grandma
Online-Reader

Dear Grandma:
You’re grown enough to pay your own bills, mind your personal affairs and live without your daughters henpecking you to death. You need to set them straight and tell them to mind their business. Yes, they’re concerned because you’re their mom, with a motherly image but you need a life. Assure them that you’re making good decisions, feeling good about yourself and you prefer to live than sit down, grow old and bore yourself to death.

Dear Deanna!
For five years I’ve been madly in love with a good friend. We’ve talked about having a relationship, but the timing was never good. Next thing you know he married a girl who was pregnant because his family thought it was the mature thing to do. After a year he got into trouble with her family and now he’s in jail for 7 years. We write and talk on the phone and he knows I love him. I respect his marriage but my love is getting stronger. Should I express my feelings to him?
Very Confused
Las Vegas, NV

Dear Confused:
Let’s do the math. One man went half on a baby with someone else plus one wedding equals two and you’re not in the equation. You’re infatuated and want what you can’t have. He wasn’t interested when he was free because he married someone else. He’s interested now because he’s on lockdown. Remain as friends because he can’t do nothing for you but tell you what you want to hear. Save yourself some heartbreak because when he gets released he’s going to his wife and child and you’ll be crushed again.

Dear Deanna!
I just learned that my husband may be the father of my five 5-year old nephew. I found out by accident. My husband was talking on the phone, laughing and joking and I heard him say that he thought my sister’s son was his child but he never did a DNA test. I remember when we started dating he used to say he thought he left his ex-girlfriend pregnant. When my sister popped up pregnant, she said it was a one-night stand. How do I investigate this situation peacefully?
Worried Wife
Columbus, OH

Dear Wife:
Regardless of the outcome people are going to be hurt and trust among all parties destroyed. If you feel in your heart that it’s worth it, get the process started with your husband first. Ask him if he dated your sister and if he’s the possible father. Have the same discussion with your sister and if they’re on the same page, have a DNA test. The timing between his relationships is crucial but only time; faith and personal maturity can save your marriage and family relationships if this is true.

Dear Deanna!
My father divorced my mother after 40 years of marriage. I have a problem with the fact his new girlfriend is young enough to be his daughter. I don’t like it and I know she’s only after his money. He has bought her fur coats, a car and gave her a credit card. He never did these things for my mother or me. Our relationship is suffering because he puts his girlfriend first and listens to everything he says. How do I open my father’s eyes?
Lynn
Taylorsville, NC

Dear Lynn:
You’re in a lot of pain but at the same time you’re very jealous and filled with envy. You’re entitled to these feelings and would feel the same way about your father’s girlfriend regardless of her age. Your father is enjoying his freedom, and experiencing a possible mid-life crisis. The young girl is a boost to his ego until she deflates it by leaving him. Be the good daughter that you are and support him and focus on making your personal relationship stronger because women will come and go, but you will always be his daughter.

Editor’s note: Ask Deanna! is written by Deanna M. Write Ask Deanna! at askdeanna1@yahoo.com or at 264 S. La Cienega, Suite 1283, Beverly Hills, CA 90211 . Visit her Web site at www.askdeanna.com.